Q. ‘What do Australian mathematical physicists drink?'
A. 'Castlemaine d/dx 2x squared +c' of course!
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
Q. What's an ohm?
A. It's where a watt lives!!
From way down in my cranium,
This prediction I will make:
That if you eat uranium,
You'll get atomic ache.
A man goes into a shop.
Man: I'd like a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I've only got plain.
Q. How do you know if you're being approached by the Quantum Mafia?
A. They make you an offer you can't understand!
A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would throw himself from the top of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles.
One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he lost his balance and tumbled into the first row. He apologized to his class for going off on a tangent.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a Physicist?
A: A Bohr Constrictor.
